Me, Lagos traffic and woman kpalava

Sunday Michael Ogwu

Yesterday, to move from my squating locating in Agidingbi to University of Lagos, Akoka, to undertake a routine assignment took 4 hours.

For the benefit of non-Lagosians, it is merely 14 kilometers from Ikeja to Yaba. On returning to the office, it took another two hours. So 6 hours was expended on driving alone.

So, I kept wondering if going out with a car today was worth the hassle. Worst still, I needed to get to Victoria Island. Twice the distance to Akoka.

After plenty contemplating, I remembered that sermon, “If only your faith can be as little as a muster seed, you will say to the mountains, move…” That was how, I ignored the scientific ‘Google map” warning, short down my thinking faculty and entered one way to hell.

Every single knowledge of Ikeja that I have, I deployed to no avail. After 2 hours of maneuvering merely 6km, I landed in Ojota, but alas, that was the biginning of my journey to Golgotha.

So, I maneuver into a bank, parked in front, ‘did the needful’ with the securitymen and hopped on a bike. Ojota to Maryland which is usually a N50 or N100 range became N1000. No plenty English. Plus, you have to seat in two. So the bike man charges N2k for a hundred Naira distance.

On arriving at Ojota, it downed on me that my Calvery was further-ado. So again, I nogotiated with the bike guy and paid another N3000 to Marina.

Buttomline, I met my appointment and the rest as they say is history.

But this is the gist, haven exhausted my self physically and financially, I decided to jump on the BRT bus from Tafawa Balawa Square on my way back to Ojota. The Bus has Air conditioning and operates on a dedicated route and the fare is fixed so all I needed to do was catch some quick nap and regain some coordination and strength for what lies between Ojata and Agidingbi.

So, on entering the Bus, I saw these Yellow Chairs with plenty leg room and I said to myself. ‘God bless the designer of this automobile. He thought so noble to provide for these kind of space for those of us whom the lord created with deligence, refreshing candor and grace.

With the short prayer said, I sat down like the proud tax payer that I am. I said again to myself, “this is how public service should be. Quality, swift, cheap, refreshing.. ‘

One after another, people trikkled in until it was full. A lady came towards my seat, took a short guess at me, as if to say,” what are you doing here.” She didn’t utter a word and neither did I. She then retreated out of the Bus.

Moments later, a uniform bearing man walked up to me and said, ” Mr Man, you are seating at the wrong place.”

The journalist in me quickly woke up and said, ” No way sir. This is a public transport. You cannot reserve any seat for anybody.”

The Official said: “calm down Oga. Read that inscription by the window.” My eyes followed the prompting of his fingers toward the direction of the window and it read:” Priority seat, for people who are disabled, pregnant, elderly or less able to stand.”

In my mind, I said to my self, which kind juju be this. And all these people inside saw me relaxing like one low budget Ikorodu landlord and nobody bordered to draw my attention to it?

I looked at the official and said:” Oga I have read it and I am not wrong. I am at the right place.”

By this time, I could hear the loud grumbling and scattered low tone complains of how am wasting their time.

The official again beckoned, “Oga please respect yourself and allow this pregnant woman take that space.”

The pregnant woman apparently at this time had ran out of patience said, “Oga, you no get mother ni, Abi you no get wife, which kind man you be sef. You know see my condition?”

I just looked at the official and said: ” Oga, you too look that notice well na. Which of the condition no affect me? (1) I am less able to stand (2) I am elderly or at least older that this Girl (3) I am financially disabled and most importantly (4) I am also pregnant.

Both the officials and the follow comutters busted out laughing and one good Samaritan said to the woman, madam abeg come and take my seat let us leave this place joor.

The laughter continued for a while and different people made loud gest at me while the trip lasted. When I got to the point of alighting, a loud voice beckoned from behind, “Oga, what are you pregnant with?” I looked back and replied, ” Am pregnant with Ideas.”