A Peek Into Gorgeous Golding’s Mind™: Forgiveness
EPISODE 005
By Gorgeous Golding™
Forgiveness, at its core, is selfish. It has nothing to do with the other person; it’s something you do for your own peace. Forgive and let things go.
Oftentimes, we beat ourselves up for the mistakes of the past and the wrong people did to us.
I’d like to quickly mention that, in every hurt, there are two different levels of forgiveness that must be paid attention to:
- Forgiveness of self
- Forgiveness of others
And none of them has anything to do with anyone else except you.
When we go through hurt, betrayal, disappointment, or any unfortunate situation, it’s typical of us as humans to want to cast or shift blame to other people. And when it seems like we’re not getting the closure, accountability, or validation we are seeking from them, we turn to blame ourselves.
“Oh, if I had not gone there, that would not have happened.”
“Oh, if I hadn’t gone to him, he would not have gotten the chance to insult or disrespect me.”
“Ah, I wish I never said yes to him, or her.”
“Why did I do this, and why did I do that?”
At this point, the hurt is not really the focus, but the effect of it. You shifted your focus from what actually happened to what resulted from the actual situation. The disrespect, the pain, the shame, the this, the that.
“Oh, they must really think I’m stupid to lie to me.”
What? They lied because they wanted to protect or defend their secrecy. It had absolutely nothing to do with your self-respect or worth.
“Oh, he cheated on me because he must have thought so little of me. Or must think I’m naive.”
No. They cheated because of their greed and struggle with discipline and integrity.
It has nothing to do with you.
“Oh, my partner cheated on me.”
“Oh, they dumped me for someone else, so I guess I was not good enough.”
Maybe you didn’t give the relationship your best, but they left or cheated because they wanted to. Besides, good people get dumped and cheated on too.
It’s life.
I can go on and on.
But do you want to continue living your life on another person’s assumptions?
You want to keep blaming yourself for the struggle and imperfection of another person?
Do you want to keep blaming yourself for being human?
Yes, you trusted them when you should not have.
But humans make mistakes.
Sometimes, the people who hurt you don’t have an idea how much hurt they caused you, and no matter how much you try to explain it, they would never understand it.
Some things are better felt than taught.
Now you are pouring out your heart to someone who has hurt you, and you’re surprised at their reactions.
They don’t understand.
Most of the time, people fake reactions and emotions just to match with you, not because they totally understand it.
Until it is felt, it cannot be really understood.
You can also be hurting and angry, carrying all of that weight on you, while the person who may have hurt you is nonchalant.
You can’t control everything. Not another human or their feelings. It’s an unreliable bet.
All you can, however, do is control how they affect you.
You can’t keep living your life waiting on everyone who wrongs you to say, “Sorry.”
It’s a natural response, but when you live by that expectation, your life is technically now a remote control in the hands of another person.
Which, I don’t think, is a fulfilling life.
Don’t be a slave to other people’s emotions.
It’s your life. Live it, and live it independently.
Your peace is your responsibility, regardless of the hurt.
Once you start seeing it like that, you’re consciously reprogramming your mind for a happier life.
And you deserve it.
~ Gorgeous Golding™️
GORGEOUS GOLDING™
Purpose. Clarity. Influence.
Instagram: @gorgeous_golding
Substack: @gorgeousgolding
Email: gorgeousgolding@gmail.com
